I haven't been very good with writing lately. I used to be a fairly consistent journal writer but even that has seem to have deteriorated. It has been 6 months since my revision surgery. There have been a lot of disappointments and struggles. But there has been some amazing experiences as well. It was in August when I was outside with Joelle and I kept hearing this sound repeating itself over and over. I asked Joelle, "what is that bird that keeps going on and on?" She said, "those are crickets!" For the first time in my life I am hearing crickets. It made me very curious and I was asking my daughter a lot of different questions about crickets. How was it that there was this whole world of crickets that existed and I never knew they were there? Did I know they existed, yes, I knew. I have seen an occasional cricket here and there, but to hear them when I couldn't see them, I felt like the world opened up a little bit more to me. I wondered what more is out that that I have yet to sense, to see, to hear, to feel. I also can't help but wonder what spirits, angels are around, I know they are there but I don't have the ability to see them. There is an entire dimension that I am not fully aware of. Even as perfect beings we are still limited to what we see, hear or feel. I am able to hear birds that I never heard before, I am able to hear my dishwasher and oven play a tune, and hear myself breathe. It is great to be able to hear these environmental sounds. It is beautiful! However, word discrimination, my objective, is still struggling. I am still putting in a lot of energy to trying to hear and I don't feel that my hearing has significantly improved in this area. I depend heavily upon my hearing aid ear but I have noticed that the implant hear with the hearing aid ear helps provide more clarity. This clarity has me hopeful for what is to come. I feel like this year has offered me a lot of challenges, not just with my hearing but with my personal life as well. It feels overwhelming at times.
In church today we had a lesson on joy. Someone mentioned sometimes things keep going wrong because it is on the path for something better, we just can't see it, not yet. This reminder made me reflect upon my faith in my Savior, in His plan for me, gave me sweet joy. President Nelson has said, Joy has little to do with the circumstances of our lives but rather the focus on our lives. We are all struggling with something, some more challenging at different times. There are days when I struggle with getting out of bed, to go through another day, but I have hope that circumstances will get better. I couldn't help but think of a dear friend of mine who is going through serious health challenges, how does she get up each day. I asked her," what do you have to hold on to?" There is no hope that she will be cured or her health will improve. She said, she had the Savior and knowledge of the plan of salvation and that gave her strength to get up each morning, even if it meant having to depend on others to care for her. If she can do it, surely I can too. We all have burdens to carry but because of the Savior we can still have joy. We can have joy that he loves us so much, we can have joy that because of Him we can live with Him and with our families forever, we can have joy that because of his love, we have worth. Our worth isn't defined by our choices. But as children of God, we are of worth and we are worthy of His love.