To be ME

Since I have made a decision to go ahead with doing a cochlear implant I have been having mixed feelings about it.  As I lay down at night I wonder, when I will be able to lay down again after surgery.  Will I have vertigo problems for the rest of my life?  As I eat my my apple I wonder if I will be able to taste again?  As I ride my bike I wonder if I will be able to maintain my balance.  When I play Dawn on the piano, listen to a Million Dreams or Be Still My Soul, will my soul still find joy, peace and comfort in music?   I remind myself, I already made my decision.  I am ready for something that could potentially be better, that will hopefully allow me a little more freedom for me to be ME.  Today I close the door to the past.  Tomorrow open the door to the future,  I am making my choice to surrender to what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.  I know I am not alone.

Videonystagmography (VNG) test.  Testing induced vertigo to read your eye response to see how well your vestibular system is working.  I hated this test.  It brought back too many memories of having debilitating vertigo in the past. Result?  Right side is 25% weaker than my right.  Typically you would want to implant the weaker ear but we decided to keep going with the left.

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